First World Problems…



There are a couple of things that really irk me about managing Crohn’s on a regular basis. These are the things that I have to do to monitor my health or what I experience either at home or in the hospital that kinda weird me out or annoy me… we all have our “things” but these are mine that I notice ALL the time (not in any particular order – they are all equal on my weird scale):

1. Blood pressure being checked – I cannot stand the feeling of my pulse, it totally weirds me out, feeling it in my arm, pulsating…Get it off!!

2. Blood tests – it’s actually not the needle that freaks me out, as I don’t find it too painful (despite having tiny veins), but I cannot watch them remove blood. I always look straight and concentrate on the posters on the wall, reading them super intensely (if I pass out or have a fit, they should lie me down in the recovery position and remove any objects surrounding me that I might hurt myself on…) or I try to make new words out of the big words on the posters (pathology= path, pool, goal, gaol, yoga, gallop..damn! not enough ls…). And you know what else weirds me out? The sound of my blood filling up those vials… it starts as a spray sound and then a long “pshhhhhhhh” as it fills up….gross

3. When nature calls – Before my diagnosis, if I had the urge to do a number “2”, I could hold it in until it was convenient for me to go – this is probably what gave me Crohn’s in the first place was being “backed up” (not really, but wouldn’t have helped the situation!). I remember going on a school camp when I was 13 and was terrified about pooping in a shovelled out hole in the ground that I didn’t go for 10 days! Yeah, hectic! If I didn’t want to go in a public toilet, no problem. Didn’t want to go while at a friend’s/boyfriend’s place? Easy peasy, will hold it in. Didn’t want to get out of bed in the middle of the night? Sure, done. Oh the good ol’ days… now, no matter where I am, who I am with, what time it is, if I have to go, I GOTTA GO! This morning is a prime example – I’m on school holidays, finally an opportunity to sleep in… HA! Bowel says at 6.30 it is time to go, doesn’t care that it’s winter and I am warm in bed and super tired, knowing that once I go, I will not be able to go back to sleep. Screw you, number 2! I know it’s better out than in, it’s just super annoying that pooping is not on my terms!

4. Picoprep – [violent laxative] Bowel preparation before a colonoscopy. Fuck you.

5. Waiting in hospital beds before a procedure – I am tired, super hungry and thirsty, nervous/emotional about being here, and now I have to wait ANOTHER 2 hours before going into the operating room? I’ve been fasting for 7 hours already, can you at least shove a drip into me for survival purposes? And no phone reception or magazines? These backless gowns aren’t THAT amazing to wear. And your posters suck.

I know, I know, first world problems… I know that by even getting medical ANYTHING is an absolute blessing, but surely a girl can complain every once in a while?
What are the things that weird you out or annoy you about managing your condition?
Would love to hear what you have to say xx


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